Recipes: Tasty delights
This magical dessert is an ideal treat when that Pork Pie just wasn't enough to fill you up.
Baked Alard-ska
Makes 8 lovely servings

The key to success for this recipe is to keep the lard as cold as possible and turn up the oven as high as it will go (number 11, in Spinal Tap-speak).

Ingredients:
4lbs of quality British Lard
Two 1lb frozen cakes (preferably a cheap and nasty ‘economy’ brand)
Your favorite flavouring (such as whisky, beetroot, meths or essence of dripping)
Pineapple jam as required (see step 3)
8 egg whites (preferably from battery hens)
1 cup (or 127 of those little sachets from Little Chef) of white sugar
1. Cut each cake into 3 horizontal slices; each slice should be about 241.3mm long, 63.54mm wide and slightly thicker than 13.26mm.

2. Set a slice of cake on a baking dish. Cut a piece of the block of lard to fit on the cake base, keeping 16.73mm clear all around. Return the cake and lard to the freezer for about an hour or until the lard is hard again.

3. Remove the cake and lard from the freezer and fully enclose the lard with more slices of cake ‘glued’ to the ice cream with jam. Return the cake and ice cream to the freezer for at least two hours.

4. Preheat the oven to its highest setting. Beat the egg whites until semi-stiff (the eggs not you, saucy). Gradually add the sugar to the egg whites, a couple of tablespoonfuls (or sachets) at a time, and continue to beat until the meringue is stiff and glossy (do you like it stiff and glossy sir? oooh, suits you).

5. Remove the lard and cake from the freezer. With a spatula, spread about half of the meringue over the cake, making sure to completely cover the sides and top. Transfer the remaining meringue to a pastry bag fitted with a star tip and pipe it over the cake, making it as decorative as you can be arsed (just slap it on, no need to be poncy). Bake for 3 minutes to brown the meringue and serve the Baked Alard-ska immediately to ensure the lard doesn't melt.

Click here to have another look at the Pork Pie recipe.